Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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