And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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