Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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