He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
