Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize