i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I didn't notice because vodka
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
