So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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