Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
