I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
