I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
