I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize