just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
