Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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