I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
