good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize