i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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