Is it because I queefed?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
