I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize