Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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