He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
