So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize