party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
