Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
