I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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