Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
