Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
