i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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