dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
