I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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