Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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