Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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