No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
