i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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