toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
