Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
