i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
