i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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