All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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