My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize