Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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