so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
