jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
