In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize