I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
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