just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
