her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
