At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
