Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
