These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
