I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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