Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My feet surprised me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
