He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
