Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
