We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
