Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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