Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
