Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
