So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
