I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize