even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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