what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
ugly people sure do ruin things
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
