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Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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