You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
