FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
