I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
