The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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