I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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