i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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