She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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