i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
