If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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