bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
