I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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