ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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