she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
