lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
