I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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