What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
