First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
